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12:15 a.m. - 2003-04-30 When I first started school, knowing Cxxxx would be there, I didn't know what to expect. Cxxxx is the supervisor for security and at one time something was had between us (yeah each other). He played mind games with me after we had sex. Granted I know I�m not the best fuck out there, but I know how to hold my own. In time I changed and forgot what had happened. It happens everyday, and it could happen to anybody especially when you have your guard down. My ex-husband and I have been separated for 2 1/2 months and another one of my ex-boyfriends, Nxxx was starting to come around again and also grate on my nerves. Telling me he loved me and always will just so I'll sleep with him again. All this because his wife won't. Well I told him I am not playing the other woman. He either leaves her or I will take my ball and go home never to hear from me again. He soo did not want to talk about it, and that's fine. Then and there I knew, thank God it's over between us. I really need to step away from that situation. I got off track there I was talking about Cxxxx, He is very smart and because he is going thru a rough time right now too, I am here for him and I like that. I'm his shoulder to cry on and I don't mind because I feel like he can depend on me. All my life I tried to make everyone happy and for once, I'm happy he makes me happy. I can't write down in this Diary how I enjoy every time we are together (wink, wink). Well what the hell, he is the best lover I have ever had. I felt comfortable with him and I can tell him anything and everything, but this is always the way it is when a guy wants to fuck you, so I have to be careful and not let my guard down at all. I think he likes me the way I like him, which is I would like to hold him forever, but in the same token I have to be careful, going thru this divorce and all. Then it started happening, I was getting Fucked again (no pun intended hehe). I mean don't get me wrong I knew dam well what I was getting into when we started up again. But alas I put myself thru the torture again, not ever knowing, 1. When he would call me again, if ever and 2. How does he feel about me? But I never pushed any of these issues. The thing is, I don't know if I will be there this time when the pieces fall and he needs someone there to pick them up, that's even if he wants someone to help. I wish I could be there for him the way I want to be, but he has to learn that I am not a wind up toy, that he can put me on a shelf and then wind and play with me anytime he wants (although it doesn�t sound half bad, sorry). I don't know what it is about him; whenever I am around him I get brain damage or something. I don't know if it's lust or love though, it too early to tell. Well there is a excerpt from an old diary. I have to tell you that before Cxxxx and I got married we had a rocky past. Even before I married my ex-husband, Cxxxx and I had one afternoon of just all around great sex. This is where I had my first orgasm EVER. At some point and time I will have to tell my wonderful more explicit and detailed of past adventures. That�s if you want me to tell them? But for now I want to explain something. This was all happening while I was getting my divorce and he was living with an ex-girlfriend (that�s what he told me anyway). He was a player, real bad, but I tried to play the game too. Only this time around I was going to try my damdest to be even in the game. Well it's getting quite late and I really need some sleep. We may be finally moving our offices, whatever let's just do it already. Smoke-em-if-you-got-em!!(I know I am tonight) Me
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