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11:40 a.m. - 2003-06-27 I was talking about my current job and what I will do soon. In 2 weeks if I have or have not found a job then I will give my 2 weeks notice. I am sick and tired of having a set of rules for each of us. I have different rules then the guy that sits across from me. I have had enough. You see I have hypertention. Lets go back to 1995-1997... I was working for the local radio station in Boston and they were always giving us free stuff, oh no not that!! They had asked me if I wanted to try this Fen Phen stuff so I jumped on it. In a little over a year and a half I lost 125lbs. Now I was so happy that something had helped me lose weight and I felt good about myself for once, because at the time I was married to someone who cared about nothing but himself. Little did I know. Jump to 1999-2000. My fiance' (husband now) and I had moved from Ma. to Va. and I was finally happy to start my own life and not live in my mothers footsteps anymore. It was rough for a little while and we made ends meet barely but we did it. I had got pneumonia and this is whe I found out that I had 3 leaking valves that was caused by me taking Phen Fen. I was crushed. I have never felt the same since. I try to keep it under check but I still have to take 3 types of blood pressure medication for it. No one knows how I feel unless you have been through it. I get a dozen pains in my chest a day that are normal and there is not much I can do about it. I get dizzy a dozen times a day and no one here knows how this feels but me. I have changed since this. I can not have children because it would put my life in danger and the baby's life too. I live with this day after day, but I live life like it will be my last day here. I guess lately because how I feel about this place, I could care less about work. In the begining I would come to work even for half days because I needed to do my job. And I did everyday I felt dizzy or weak or sick I was here. I guess I have just got to the point that I don't give a shit about this place anymore. This does not help my mental status too well. My doctor was willing to put me on permanant disability but I need to work. I love my house but I could not stay there all the time. I need to get out, and work is my escape. Well I going to get going my boss is here today and he just off the phone and I don't want him to see this. bye for now Me*
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