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4:26 p.m. - 2003-09-23 I have noticed in the past couple of years I am starting to be more and more like my Mom. My Mom and I had a long chat about being best friends with people and we have both come to the conclusion that it�s really not worth it. I have had many friends in my life and I still keep in touch with a lot of them, but sometimes you just hit it off with someone and your friendship goes from just an acquaintance to being and talking to them all the time. I have had 5 of those �close� friends in the past and all of them screwed me over. Two of them decided I didn�t fit into their equation and just stopped calling me. I introduced them and I guess they just had more in common then they had with me. It�s ok, I was really young then and didn�t understand. Another one of them decided to talk about me in front of someone they weren�t supposed to and it got back to me. I had a lot of friends in high school and she said that I was gullible and could get me to do anything for her. Well, she wanted me to steal something for her and when I said I was not doing it she got mad at me and stopped calling me. I guess no big loss, but I was still upset because she knew a lot about me. I am a very forgiving person but I guess she just decided not to give a damn about me anymore because I didn�t do something bad for her. Then there was my sister-in-law. She was my best friend, my sister and my maid of honor. She was married to my husband�s brother; I talk about him in earlier entries: She was having a hard time with him and she needed someone to talk to and we hit it off so well. It just got to the point where I was doing all this stuff for her no matter what was going on I would do it. She took advantage of me and asked me to lend her money so she could get a good lawyer so she could have custody of my nephew. Now at the time I thought that is what needed to happen but as I started to talk to my brother-in-law and other people in the family, she did nothing but backstab me and talk bad about me and tell people that she didn�t want to talk to me on the phone. So I confronted her about it and of course she denied it. Then she told my mother-in-law that I was talking shit about her. I told my mother-in-law that if I wanted to say something to her I would. I have always been very open with her. So I knew our friendship was over. Then she started to write me letters asking me what went wrong. I then sent her back some letters and a poem and then that was it. I didn�t hear from her again. When Kxxx hurt his hand her and I talked a little bit and she told me that she missed me, but then after I got off the phone with her she called my mother-in-law and told her I was talking about her again. My mother-in-law just laughed at her and told her that she and I knew she was going to start this shit up again. That was that, no more sister-in-law. It�s really sad because she knows a lot about me, and I would have not told her anything if I knew now what I know about her. Oh well life moves on. Last but not least the last best friend I had hit on my husband and he didn�t want to tell me but he did. You know what? It hurts when you think you have someone you can tell anything to and they go and stab you in the back. Not everyone is like that though, but in my experience it is so not worth it anymore. So I have some friends but no friend I can call a best friend, and I don�t count my husband because he is male. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I have had many male friends but they just don�t understand sometimes and I don�t expect them to. It�s funny how thoughts just spill out on to the paper like this. I was not really intending to write this long ass entry but I guess once you get started you can�t stop. There are other things I need to talk about but I am going to stop for today and continue on tomorrow. Have a good night. Me :o**(kiss)
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