2:22 a.m. - 2004-10-04
Over My Head!!
So this morning I woke up to my husband saying, "Why didn't you sleep in our bed last night"? The only answer I could give him was, "you were snoring so loud I couldn't sleep". Then just at that moment my cat jumped up on my legs. He tried to pick her up and she clawed my legs. OOOOWWWWW! I called him an asshole and quickly apologized, knowing it really wasn't his fault. Since I went to bed around 4:30 am, 9:30 am was way too early. I knew we had some friends coming over today but I was so tired I told him I was going back to sleep for a little while, and I did.
Woke up in time for the start of the Patriots, Bills game. I was happy that the Pat's won because they were doing so poorly at the beginning. Found out that one of our friends were coming over at around 3:30pm and another around 4 or 5pm. So my husband for the first time in 6 months offered to clean the bathroom and do the dishes. I almost fell off my chair. He told me that he knew that I wanted to watch the game and he would take care of it. So I told him if he did the dishes I would clean the bathroom during halftime, and he agreed.
So we did our respective things, then the fun started. He told me he was going to throw a load of laundry on while I was cleaning the bathroom and to listen for it because he was going downstairs to play his guitar for a little while. It's a good thing I went in to the kitchen for a drink because our laundry room is off the kitchen and I was trying to listen for the washer and saw that he didn't start laundry. So I put the first load in and it was my baby after that. At least it got done.
So by the time our first friend had got here he was upstairs waiting. When our 1st friend Bxx got here he had already started showing off his new "Music space" in the basement. So he and Bxx come upstairs and Bxx and I started talking. I don't know how many times he interrupted us so he could talk about something other than what Bxx and I were talking about. It's like Bxx is his friend and he doesn't want to share him with me, just like he won't share me with anyone else. Not even my family. My Mom is convinced the reason why he moved me here is so he could have me all for himself. Then I have to remind myself that I asked him to take me with him. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. It's not that I am ungrateful for what my husband does for me it's just I have noticed that he does a lot of the me me me thing and builds himself up for everybody that it just gets annoying sometimes.
Then our other friend showed up. We will call him Jay. Well, Jay installs satellite internet and we have been having a lot of problems with the guy who installed ours. So Jay said he would look at it for us and see if he can get a signal and fix it for us. So hubby went with Jay to check on that and I got to talk to Bxx for a little bit. Come to find out that we have a good shot from the roof and the installer didn't want to put it on the roof and he screwed us. Well, that's another story for another day. So maybe I will have fast internet after all.
I was watching Oprah about a month ago and saw that she had a woman on whose son- in- law killed her daughter, Lori Hacking's mom I think it was. She was discussing how some psychopaths play themselves up so they can make themselves look good to everybody around them. Then I look at my husband and realize that he does that all the time. He makes up situations that never really happened and makes it look like he was the star of the story. Sometimes he takes credit for things that I suggest and doesn't even say it was my idea, but in fact it was his. I am not saying that he is going to kill me but with people like that you never know. I mean you put all your faith in this person, husband or wife and they ultimately betray you in the end by killing you years later. Granted there is always motivation behind it. Like Scott Peterson. He still is on trial I know, but he had good motivation. He was having an affair. And Lori Hacking's husband told her that they were moving to North Carolina so he could go to Med school that he was never accepted into. I don't know, I guess that leaves me to wonder sometimes, what will I find out someday that I am not supposed to and what will be my fate.
I have been keeping all my feelings inside for the past couple of months and everything I am feeling is coming out like a water faucet. I need this diary, not only for my feelings but also for my sanity. Because if I ever told anybody I know these feelings then I would have some problems, big problems. Maybe I need a shrink or maybe I just need the ears of strangers. I guess whoever reads this consider yourself my shrink while you are reading this. Not that I am asking for help but craving it.
It's true what they say about writing stuff down, it's a good source of emptying out your old and used thoughts for some brand new ones. Now that I have done that maybe I will feel a little bit better, I hope!!
I am starting to get a little tired now so I am going to bed.

DING My hour is up!!!

Me :o~

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